Yes, it's been a week. I may be dying with a modern strain of the consumption but there are outstanding looks to be judged from the American Music Awards.
As my beloved Tom & Lorenzo would (and probably did) say, 'Honey, that's not your dress'. Could the woman who this Roberto Cavalli belongs to, please come forward and beat Mary J Blige across the back of the knees with the hanger.
Heidi Klum sickens us all, as usual, in a metallic leather laser cut mini. Visible undergarments aside this is a pretty classy look for a Victoria's Secret model.
Amy Heidemann colour-coordinates her head off in a cutesy look Katy Perry would wear to pop down the shops for milk and bread.
Alanis Morrisette takes the ugly mullet hem trend to the next level - TWO side mullets. She's not tall enough or Florence Welch enough to carry off a dress this edgy.
Bleona Qereti out-does every tacky, slutty dress on the red carpet in recent years. In case you didn't notice, she has a face.
A heavy, full-length leather coat? Masses of frizzy hair? Huge sunglasses? We do not judge, we bow before Chaka Khan and beg for an ounce of her fierceness.
My absolute favourite look probably of the year is koo-koo doll Nicki Minaj in a Victorian-inspired Oscar De La Renta gown and a candy floss faux bob. The combination of that rough apple green and her light pink curls is just divine.
Christina, that is how I, a mortal, would look in a bandage bodycon dress. I expect better of someone with an army of gays and millions of dollars (maybe that's the problem..too many yessss men).
Don't these chicks PAY people to not make them look like they're trapped in a warped circus mirror? I doubt Kelly Clarkson set out with the aim of looking like a big red triangle.